I hate Christmas
by Defafaeth Mechqua
Summary: PG for swearing. AU. Sanzo's reflection on Christmas. A tiny bit of fluff at the end.


I glared at the snowy winter wonderland that was my backyard. I whipped out one of my cigs, stuck it into my mouth and lit it before inhaling the wonderfully suffocating fumes that were gonna kill me one of these days. The sooner the better. It was times like these that reminded me of an excerpt from one of my novels that I wrote a few years back about this 'joyous' holiday.

Christmas. I hate this time of year. I HATE the hustle and bustle of busy shoppers, the annoying Christmas songs played over and over again on the bloody radio, the stupid Christmas specials that replace new episodes of shows I've been dying to watch, the commercialization of this season of 'giving' – bah humbag I say!

I gazed out the window and at the snow-covered yard of mine. A growl emanated from my throat when I saw him. Gojyo. The stupid idiotic pervert throwing his stupid little snowballs, with his stupid little snowman and his stupid little igloo – Ha! The thing just caved in when he tried to go in! Stupid idiot. Why the hell was I even friends with that stupid moronic stunt double? That perverted insolent idiot that had the audacity to piss me off by making crude jokes or stealing MY cigs worst of all taking MY liquor! In MY house! Ergh!! My hands twitched with the overwhelming NEED to wring someone's neck . . . preferably Gojyo's. 

With all those commercials telling you to buy that brand new doodad for your boyfriend or those lovely diamonds for your girlfriend it's truly a wonder how anyone doesn't go broke and files in for bankruptcy. Well I guess I'm being just a tad negative here so let's all think of about the things Christmas has ever done for us!

Then there was Hakkai. Not annoying, calm, always smiling and someone I REALLY wanted to hit. Yet whenever I felt the overwhelming urge to swat the lawyer I could never find any reason at all for doing so! I hit Gojyo 'cause he was annoying, I hit Goku 'cause he was annoying, I hit Lirin 'cause she was annoying – hell I whack anyone that was annoying. But nooo! Hakkai wasn't annoying so I couldn't hit him! Damn lawyer and his stupid pacifying ways and his stupid poker face and his stupid pet dove, Hakuryu. Damn the bloody dove that just loved to poop all over his brand new furniture!

First off It makes people go broke, it demolishes the true meaning of Christmas, it makes us waste a LOT of paper in wrappings, and it instills within us the absolute NEED to buy expensive overpriced objects for people who'll just return it on Boxing Day. How joyful eh?! (Note the sarcasm.)

Goku. My annoying idiotic ward who I'm taking care off because some never-before-heard-of relative of mine died like a year or two ago. I think this relative I've never heard of adopted Goku a long time ago or so the social workers say, I personally think they just made it up so they could get rid of him – not that I could blame them. Ergh! Not only is the brat a brat but he's fucking annoying. He eats too much which is probably the reason he was sent to me in the first place, he whines too bloody much, talks excessively and is, for the lack of better words, just a huge zit on the ass.

Who cares about the family and friends that march into your home to help you pass those cold winter days!?

A knock. "Sanzo!" A cheerful voice called.

Great it's Mr. Lawyer, maybe if I pretend I'm not in here he'll leave.

"I know you're in there Sanzo, now come out and enjoy the meal we prepared!"

We? I think I've just lost my appetite . . .

"Don't worry! The food isn't poisoned." Hakkai called then in a lower voice added, "I threw out the ones that they made that tasted funny and replaced it with my own."

What the hell?! Can this guy read minds?!

"I assure you Sanzo I can't read minds. Now hurry up before I tell the two all about that time in seventh grade camp . . . ."

I shuddered in the safety of my room . . . those horrible suppressed memories . . . "You'll die before you utter one word." I snarled as I got up. I stomped towards the door flung it open and glared heatedly at my 'friend'.

Hakkai just smiled. "Good to you're alive Sanzo."

Who cares about the succulent drool worthy meals mom cooks with tenderness and affection during this festive season?!

"Oi! Bakasaru! Stop eating so much – Hey! That's MY turkey leg!"

Gojyo.

"Ya snooze ya loose cockroach!"

Goku.

"Ma ma . . . please stop fighting."

Hakkai.

"CHIBI CHIMP!!! GIVE IT BACK NOW!!"

Tch. What kind of insult was that?

"NO WAY PERVY KAPPA!!"

Why do we call him a kappa again? Oh yeah, because he can't swim . . . long story don't ask.

"URUSAI!" I shouted before whipping out my gun.

Who cares about the expensive Christmas presents so meticulously wrapped with love and care in hopes that it will generate a smile of joy when you shred off the colorful wrappings to find the gift so gingerly selected just for you?!

"Sanzo! Sanzo! Open my gift! Open my gift!" Goku yelled excitedly shoving a long brightly wrapped box. Ironically enough the wrapping had monkeys on it.

I rolled my eyes but opened it under the vigil of my ecstatic ward. Wrapping gone and now I'm lifting up the top to reveal – holy shit! My eyes nearly bugged out of its sockets (emphasis on NEARLY). A semi automatic rifle! Holy crap! I can't believe he got me this! How did he get it? Probably some illegal shit thanks to Gojyo. Oh who cares!? Note to self: Raise his allowance.

"Do you like it Sanzo!?" He asked waving his hands about.

SMASH!

My priceless antique vase from the late seventeenth century. My left eye twitched. Note to self: Decrease Goku's allowance.

Who cares about the Christmas carols that fill your house with a warmth and merriment?!

"Come on droopy eyes! Sing with us!" The kappa grinned.

"Tch. Sing yourselves." I grumbled.

"rUdOlph ThE rED nOSeD REIndEeR "

I shut my eyes and covered my ears. Hell. That was the only was to describe the singing that was so totally Gojyo. I must've done something REALLY bad to deserve this . . .

Who cares about the joy and laughter, the happiness and love that fills one's home?!

"Uh . . . I think that's enough for you Gojyo." Hakkai said laughing nervously.

"Whhaaaaa!? C'mon Hakkie-chan! Lemme 'ave sum FUUUN!" Gojyo slurred as he continued stripping off what little he had on while singing 'I'm too sexy for my shirt'. At least that's what I think he was singing.

Goku let out large snore from where he lay passed out on my couch with Hakuryu sleeping contentedly in his hair. Well at least the imp didn't puke all over my carpeted floor.

All of the sudden Gojyo hopped onto the coffee table. "Too seeeeexziiiii fer ma shiiiirr . . . toooo seeeeexziiii fer maaaaaa shhiiiiirr!!!"

I slapped my forehead. THIS was the reason why I didn't like Christmas! Although . . . . I raised the camcorder with a slight smirk. Hehehe . . . blackmail is sweet!

Who bloody gives a #$ing care?!

A knock. I opened a bleary eye to spot a familiar small form standing in the doorway of my room. "Baka saru. What do you want?" I muttered.

Goku gulped before muttering. "I had a bad dream."

"So?" I grumbled. I knew what the little guy wanted.

"Can I sleep with you please!?" He pleaded almost tearfully.

I knew it. Shit. How can you say no to that face? I grunted before making room beside me. Goku gave out a small squeak before shutting the door and racing over to my bed. He quietly climbed up onto the cot then snuggled up next to me with a happy little sigh.

"Sanzo?"

"Hn."

"I'm sorry about the vase."

"Tch. Whatever."

Silence.

"Sanzo?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

I close my eyes before whispering gently. "I love you too."

I do unfortunately.


End file.
